The truth of the matter is…

I realized this morning I don’t have a healthy relationship with anger or ego. My avoidance of conflict and my sponge (mind) not throwing the garbage out that people have told me about “me” has left me in a state of unrest. Unrest in my soul, unrest in my body.

If I do not soon find a way of dealing with the anger inside of me, I may go stark raving mad. Or my heart will just quit under the pressure.

I am a “good” person. I on occasion make poor decisions, and I do “react” badly to situations sometimes. For the most part though I just roll with the punches, absorb or deflect other peoples crap, search for joy and move on, doing everything I can to help others be comfortable.

I am hurt, wounded deeply in my soul. I have had words, lies and accusations thrown at me, that have cut me to the very core of my being.

I have post traumatic stress, and it effects me every day.

The truth of the matter is…I am NOT okay!

But now that I have admitted it, I can work on finding the tools I need, the help I need, and I will be okay again.