Last week was an unusually stress filled week. I was dealing with negative things I could not control. It was so negative, I actually went to the dentist just to relax!
I am usually a glass half full/overflowing type of person. I can distract myself with blessings and gratitude.
Last week I tried, I faked it, I reached for crutches, but really my insides just churned, and my body rebelled.
Saturday I was engaged with my daughter and her disc dog. That was fun. A bit of distraction.
Sunday the family headed for “my happy place”, Algonquin Park. Usually I can sit and reflect, and feel the love of God through the beauty of creation wash over me.
This week surrounded by nature I struggled to find that peace. In fact I was grasped by such depression as I haven’t felt in a long time. Hopelessness in fact!
How can one feel so negative when witnessing such stunning scenes?
My journal didn’t help. Despair came over me. It held me in it’s claws!
I know in my heart, “be anxious for nothing, give it to God in prayer, with thanksgiving.” Sometimes it’s really difficult to do. Even when your faith is strong, your circumstances on this earth can be trying.
The moment that finally broke through my misery was when God gave me a fish. The fight, the surge of adrenaline, the success. Wasn’t a huge fish, but it was a fun fish. My smile in that moment became genuine.
For awhile it felt good to be alive. The trouble disappeared from my mind, and I found myself firmly planted in the moment.
As we packed up to come home, we all agreed what a great day it had been. No one knew of my struggle.
Exhaustion set in, it was hard to stay awake on the trip back. Something I try to do, to watch out for the eyes of animals along or on the road. The moon guided our path.
I fell into bed, crashed for the night.
I woke up thankful for a bass, that for a while, brought my heart and soul back to the present moment and gave a little burst of joy, a moment of solace.