Living My Best Life: Making The Best Out of the Life I Have

By: Just myself
Blog, , , , , 2 Comments on Living My Best Life: Making The Best Out of the Life I Have

I find myself in a very unusual position right now. Certainly didn’t plan to be on this path, really didn’t see it coming, but here I am. Yes right here!

I wonder if this is what it feels like to be a butterfly when it is time to emerge from it’s cocoon? When the tightness of its “safety” blanket gets so strangling tight, that it has no choice but to push it’s way through and emerge so vulnerable and new. Everything big, scary, bright, beautiful and unable to fly until it’s wings dry-out and stretch, flutter and finally, finally it takes flight.

It’s clear and it’s not, how I wrapped myself up into a cocoon. Don’t get me wrong I like a good fight, but I hate conflict. The ultimate “yes man”. One strand at a time, I tangled myself up trying to “be good”, “be better”, “put others first”. Overlooking something here, something there. Till the conflict within myself was raging to a point that I was sure it would tear me in to pieces. I froze! How can one move when one can’t even breathe? Craziest part of it all was the outcome would have been the same no matter what I did or did not do.

All my life I wanted people to like me. (Honestly I still do, and hell, I am a good person so who wouldn’t like me.) I was so terrified of rejection and being alone.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

Not so very long ago something happened to me. Flowers! I didn’t see it coming! Not in a million years!

The “cocoon of denial” of the mess that was going on around me was no longer protecting me. The pain, the pain of rejection! Nothing I did! Every trick I knew! Nothing made it better! Nothing made it right again!

A phone call came. Another rejection I never saw coming, another person in my life that was supposed to always have my back. My mind spun round, round, looking from every angle. It was 8 or 9 pm, a battle had raged inside of me no one knew was happening. Then I heard it! A laugh escaped my throat. You know those laughs from the movies of one that may have just lost their mind. Then another laugh, a laugh of someone who has been bound by an invisible band to something not totally healthy, and then the band breaks and freedom comes. It didn’t matter anymore! FREEDOM!

I climbed into my bed that night having no idea what the morning would bring.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

The morning came, and I never saw it coming, right out of the gate! ANGER! Ridiculous, insulting, bitter, hateful, anger.

Enough, ENOUGH! It didn’t matter. I don’t know why it didn’t matter. Who spoke the words? Where did they come from?

“Don’t worry it won’t happen again, I am leaving.” I don’t recognize that calm, controlled voice. I don’t think I had ever heard it before. (I want to know that strong, calm, controlled person.)

A couple calls, a couple texts, a few garbage bags to carry 52 years of my life. My girls with me. Two hours to close twenty-two years. Truly sad really!

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

Once a butterfly dries it’s wings, and stretches them well, it flies off in search of beautiful flowers full of nectar to continue the cycle of life.

So here I am, yes right here, right now. Stretching my wings! Looking for beautiful things! What a place to be. Fresh, Free, New.

What do I like? What do I hate? What makes me sad, mad, glad? What makes me laugh? What tastes good? What am I capable of? What is excruciatingly hard to handle? What does it feel like to be fully alive? How do I overcome the shaky uncertain days when nothing seems to be going right? How do I celebrate the good things? How does my faith fit into this? What are my goals in life? What is important to me? How do I make ends meet in this crazy economy? How do I launch my career? What should my career be, when you can do and be anything your heart desires (intimidating)?

I am a butterfly learning to fly on a path I never expected to be on! I am an example to my girls of how to not settle for second best, how to love yourself and others, and how to make the best out of the life they have.

Living my best life? Well making the best out of the life I have!

Blanketed or Weighed Down

By: Just myself
Blog, , Leave a Comment on Blanketed or Weighed Down
Blanket of snow

Yesterday I went outside chasing the sunset that was casting a subtle pink glow, framed by dark trees covered deeply in pure white snow. I missed the shot.

As I was walking around snapping different pics, my mind started contemplating. These beautiful trees covered with snow, were they blanketed securely or were they burdened by the weight of the covering?

How many different areas in our life can we ask the same question? Is this question flexible in it’s answer depending on other circumstances at the time?

Are you feeling weighed down today by anything that you once thought of as a beautiful protective blanket? Do you need to shake it off or should you just snuggle down and enjoy it until it melts away?

Habit Inventory: THE NEW YEAR COMETH: What works, What doesn’t!

By: Just myself
Blog, , Leave a Comment on Habit Inventory: THE NEW YEAR COMETH: What works, What doesn’t!

Have you ever considered what you do or how you react to others?

A wise saying is “If you do the same thing over and over, you will get the same result.” or “When you stop hitting your head against the wall, and use the door, the pain will stop!”

How many areas of our lives do we get trapped in the same routine over and over and over, no matter how much we don’t like the results that we are achieving?

What habits or routines just don’t work?

Timers and check lists work for me. I don’t have to do the same thing every single day, but if I decide what I want to accomplish during the day and how much time I need to dedicate to it, then discipline my self to use the timer, I am capable of accomplishing so much. So why don’t I use these tools every day?

My diet and health regime is NOT working for me! Why don’t I sit down for half an hour and make a plan of how to work healthier choices into my day? I am not into the habit of doing this, and I do have a habit of perfectionist thought that leaves me afraid to fail. Need to change this one.

Painting relaxes me. I sleep better after focusing on creating. I do this once a week. So once a week I tend to sleep better. Why can’t I work the habit of creating into my routine a couple more times a week?

My housework habits work amazingly if I incorporate the Fly Lady routine into my day to day life. But I have the habit of loosing my “control journal”. I need the habit of putting it away in the same spot at the end of the day.

Have you stopped and considered your habits lately? I challenge you to make a list, what works, what doesn’t. Then we can look at a plan to get our habits in check!

Are you ready to own your habits? Or are you still too comfortable having your habits own you?

BE THE MANAGER OF YOUR LIFE, MANAGE YOUR HABITS WELL!

Useful link : http://www.flylady.net/d/getting-started/


Zombie Apocalypse

By: Just myself
Blog, , Leave a Comment on Zombie Apocalypse

I realized something yesterday while out walking, the Zombie Apocalypse has already started. That’s right zombie’s are all around us.

Zombie’s are not creatures that have crawled up out of a grave though, they are humans that are “living as if they were already dead”.

Some are trapped in cycles of blame, fear, inertia. Some are brilliant in I.Q. and absolutely dead to living to their full potential.

They expect others to care for them, whether through gifts or government handouts. They hide behind labels and excuses. Occasionally they show glimmers of life, and a desire to live again, but quickly fizzle back out.

This cycle causes fear, sorrow, absolute mourning in those that love them most. As their great potential to impact the world in a positive way slowly fades away. How does the living protect their own heart from the thousand deaths of the zombie?

But these are not the only zombies walking around. There is the other end of the spectrum also. The ones that get up every day, have careers, homes, sometimes families. The follow every rule, go to their safe job, make sure they have all the latest status symbols, but are dead inside. Their fire doesn’t burn strongly anymore, their dreams of long ago lay dusty on a shelf, their passion has been snuffed.

These zombies often help facilitate the other zombies, because it feels good to help those less fortunate. Instead of raising the bar of expectation.

There are the political and religious zombies as well, those that just eat whatever is fed to them. Not digging deeper to weigh and measure the truth factor of what is being said and directed. Very dangerous in deed because in their inattention they allow for others to be captured and pulled down from where their path is leading them.

The cure for these zombie diseases is purpose.

The way to get to purpose is discomfort and honesty.

Honestly, I believe good-hearted people, and those stuck firmly in the box feed these monsters. Maybe feeding them doesn’t work. As hard as it is do they need to go hungry. Today ask yourself, what monsters are you feeding?