Will the ending be beautiful?

last day of the tulip

When one invisions the moving of time in their lives, one imagines beautiful things.

How hard, when what is supposed to be beautiful, gets twisted and shaded.

When the pain comes and all one wants is mercy and relief.

When thoughts repeat, louder and louder, till one has no choice than to respond.

The facade is blown.

Betrayal.

This is just a chapter though.

Will the ending be beautiful?

WOW! I AM AN ADDICT!

Have you ever sat in silence? No music, no television, no book, no people chattering in the background. Not moving, just sitting.

I have discovered I can only maintain this state for moments! I am shocked!

Having the perfect opportunity to sit in silence this weekend, my mind enjoyed it for a few minutes, but it was not long till I felt an overwhelming urge to read a book, turn on music, watch t.v., work on my classes.

I did not reach for my journal to brain dump my thoughts. I did not engage in a conversation on …..whatever came to mind with my husband. My mind spun at a phenomenal rate from one subject to another. It felt awkward/uncomfortable, painful.

CONFESSION: I am fully addicted to brain stimulation!

Is this contributing to my inability to sleep through the night? Is this contributing to not being able to slow down and engage with my family in a more personal/intimate way?

Tim and I had discussed and decided before we left to not use the laptop or the t.v. while we were on our reboot weekend. It was very important to me to be able to write, talk, plan (SMART), read paper books, etc. Wow, one weekend, just two days, and I couldn’t do it!

What has the advancement of technology taken from us? I understand the gains it has given, but are we loosing the ability to be silent or engaged with each other or ourselves in a truly intimate way?

How do you practice unplugging?

Time For Reflection

We are home from our reboot weekend. It was a wonderful time spent together, without interruption or responsibility staring us down.

A time out, to listen to Tim’s heart cries. To discuss our dreams and goals, and to just pause from the pressures of life.

Seventeen years ago, I made vows in front of God and witnesses to spend my life with Tim, until “death do us part”. I was so “in love” with him, the world was bright and beautiful and I had no doubts in my mind that God himself had put us together for His great purpose.

I still believe that we were put together by God. But let me tell you it has not always been easy to stick to those promises I made that day. We have come so close to the breaking point, the point of no return.

Life gets busy, bills, illness, stress, physical and mental exhaustion, old habits, perceptions, children, the list goes on and on, all this comes and can destroy relationships.

We listen but do we hear? If we hear does the one we love know without a doubt that we have heard. I act like a human of many words, but I am training like an Olympic athlete to reduce my words out and increase my listening ability. I wonder if anyone has noticed yet?

I have a goal in life… In a world where relationships have become “disposable”. Where people bounce from relationship to relationship, from marriage to marriage, where single mom Christmas commercials have become the “norm”, I want to use my life lessons, my education to help those that want to make changes in their life, to make their relationships spectacular. I myself can NOT fix your relationship, but I have a tool box of tools to share with you if YOU are ready to do the work. (Note: I have the utmost respect for single parents, I was one.)

I continue learning to use the tools my education and life has provided to take my relationship to the next level. Hopefully my heart will remain open so the lessons are not so painful.

Everyday it becomes clearer to me, love is not a feeling, love is an action. Love is a choice to move. Sometimes it is easy to love, sometimes it is painful. But if it is genuine LOVE CONQUERS ALL!