William Roy Davidson Nov.17,1948-Apr.30,1984

By: Just myself
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This fading old blurry photo is a picture of my Dad, in the back, and my grandpa, in the front.

Funny how without fail after all these years, I still remember my dad’s birthday.

It usually starts off as a few days of unexplained irritability (not so much now), then the morning of, I am like, yep today my dad would have been … whatever the number is for that year.

The impact of loosing my dad at the age of twelve has been lasting and damaging. Well maybe molding and stretching is a better way of expressing it.

You see my life changed drastically, in the year leading up to his death, and even more so after. Mixed with my own biases and perceptions, it lead to years of grief, pain, loneliness, unworthiness, mistakes, victim-hood…acceptance, healing, growth, and strength.

Although I still have tears in my eyes as I write today, for I miss my dad, my heart tells me that I would not be who I am today if I had not traveled the road of loss and pain.

If he had lived, would it have been an easier road? Maybe, who knows what challenges would have been placed in my path to teach me, stretch me and make me grow. Who knows what I would have missed out on if I had not been wounded and slank away.

So today I remember you Dad. I try hard to remember the fishing and camping trips, birthday parties, transport trailer road trips. Although there the memories are somewhat blurry/faded/old.

But the memories that seem to come most quickly to my mind are:

Being three and trying to follow in your footsteps, which was NOT what was good for me (a story for another day).

And a very late school night expedition to set the timing on a transport truck. Your skill was in great demand so on top of your day job, you helped keep other companies trucks on the road. Even though I didn’t quite make it to the end of the job, I felt important in that moment. I wanted so bad to still follow in your footsteps.

But that path was not the one for me. I had to forge on and make my own footsteps.

Today Dad, I pause and remember you, and although the memories fade, and the pain is a little more numb, you are not forgotten, a piece of you; in my heart, lives on.

“She generally gave herself very good advice (though she very seldom followed it).”

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— Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland (Amazon, Bookshop) from GRETCHEN RUBIN Moment of Happiness

A timely quote lol.

Here it is Monday morning again, and I still have big dreams of how I intend to change my life, BUT I am still tucked away, not at my desk, not even dressed.

My husband is off to work without breakfast in his tummy.

Well the kids were given direction but are they doing it?

9 a.m. yes another section of my internet marketing class complete. Will it help in the end? Yes I believe so, but somehow it seems hollow in this moment.

Am I stuck to hard and fast to what my perfect day would look like? Maybe that’s it in a nut shell.

How many days do you feel uhmm…”off” because what (or how) you are doing does not match the pretty picture in your mind?

Am I the only one?


What is a church anyway?

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When we think of the word church how did we allow it (for some) to become this?

photos by: Barb Harwood-Gendron

Please don’t get me wrong. I think these buildings are beautiful, and absolutely useful and necessary for shelter, especially in Canada, where our climate in not very forgiving sometimes. ( We sometimes joke about the two main seasons in Canada: 1.”winter” and 2.”black fly/ mosquito” season.)

When I ask people what church is, especially “non-church” people, a lot of the time I get the response that church is the place down the street (Like above.). Alternatively it’s a service on Sunday were people gather. Sometimes very judgey people (but that is a discussion for another day). Others would say a place to go and meet with God.

So is a church just a place that you go to meet God? If that is all it is, then isn’t this the perfect church?

thanks Barb for this photo also from somewhere in Northern Ontario

In my opinion, I believe that we need to think much deeper about what church is and how we display it to others.

I do believe in the Creator God.

I believe that He loves us, He wants our acknowledgement, and praise and worship.

I also think that in His creation of us that He made us for community! “It is not good for the man to be alone!” Genesis 2:18 God intended us to live in families, tribes, communities.

What then do I believe that a church should be more than anything else?

A church should be a group of individuals that “love God, and love each other”, but NOT only on Sunday’s for an hour.

It is good to gather together to praise and worship together but it should not stop there. I believe as a church we need to be involved on a daily basis in each others lives. I believe we need to help each other up, and push each other forward. I believe we need to care on a much deeper level than “How was your week? Oh that’s nice!”

Our church should be a group of “family” (not necessarily blood related), that stretches us, sometimes tells us when we are off track or loosing site of the goal. They should be encouragers. If a member is in need they should be the first one on the scene to help. They should be there to celebrate with us and mourn with us.

Our church should always be open to welcoming others in. Just wait, I know, I know, what if people join into our church, that are “takers, users, or disruptive”. Everyone deserves a chance or a few chances, but a church should encourage each other to be the very best and not allow each other to be less than there best.

We need to become a living example to what it means to “love thy neighbour” and we need to begin within the confines of the buildings in which we meet, yes, BUT, we need to then explode out and build communities that people want to be a part of because of how we interact with each other.

I want to see a church built, a living expression of the love of God, by sharing the joy of a life worth living, a community of people that are divinely brought together to grow and stretch each other, and in so doing bring thanks and praise back to the Creator.

This is church.

thanks Janna for the use of this photo

I am seeing this church being built right before my eyes, where two have gathered together, in this case, to celebrate a birthday milestone. To dream and goal set, and power through together. Or in fact to lift up and support each other as was the case in how Barb got to take the church photos and the photo of the northern Ontario sky.

So instead of the church being a place to go to, to worship, what I am saying is, let us be the church, let our lives be the worship to our Lord and Creator, by how we relate to one another by word, by action and by deed!

Restoration

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I have a tendency to always want to start from the beginning but a wise man once said to me “you don’t need to tear down the whole house to fix a leaky faucet”.

Sometimes our “start over mentality” is just another form of “resistance” to moving forward towards our destiny.

What areas in your life do you find the “I might as well just start over mentality” preventing you from just “fixing the leak“.

Are you willing to continue to allow the evil “naysayer” in your mind to overwhelm you and stop you from transforming into the beautiful you were intended to be?

Why not start chipping away at the cracks today?

Celebration Time!

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Very excited to announce that I have received yesterday in the mail my license to perform marriages in the province of Ontario! I cannot even explain how excited I was to find the big brown envelope that I have been waiting for for the past few weeks.

I am now officially a “Life Celebrations Clergy Specialist”! I am so excited to be a part of the important times in peoples lives, weddings, new babies, vow renewals, blessings, end of life events, funerals.

I am now working on my new brand, to be released soon, “Life’s Love Letters by candy!” Watch for it, and do spread the word that I exist!

“God created us as an original, but oftentimes we die as a copy, how tragic that is!” Dan Cathy chick-fil-a

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I heard this quote early this morning in my business class.

This is “it”, this is the reason for this site! I don’t want to be a copy, I was created to be unique, I am one of a kind!

What would our world look like if we all stepped out and strive to become the original that God created us to be?

What if we ignored the people that discourage us from trying something new?

What if we were our own cheerleaders?

I believe we already know more than we feel “safe” admitting about the life we truly want. The blueprint is within ourselves are we willing to take our blinders off and do the work that is sometimes uncomfortable, take chances and risks?

Are we willing to swim against the current, climb the mountain even when it’s steep, to continue through the desert when we are not sure if we can make it because we are so thirsty for a taste of success?

I am not willing to settle for a “copied” life! I don’t want to fit in!

I don’t want to be “nice”!

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I have been contemplating the “question of the day” for many days now, lol.

I don’t want everyone crying and saying “she was such a nice person”, I want to be known as passionate, life changer, enthusiastic, I am not even really sure. I don’t want to be that nice person that is forgotten in the end, I want my life to count for something!

Hi I’m Candy, I am a Life Coach, I am here to help you tame your inner lizard, you don’t need me, but I hope you choose to use my services!

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Yesterday I was sitting having lunch and reading from my copy of “Master the Day” by Alexander Heyne, when one particular line jumped right off the page and smacked me, “The only industries that successfully sell silver bullets (make money, weight loss, manifesting your dreams) sell them because they know that people know the truth but don’t want to accept it and do the work.” In this one single thought why we sit in our mediocre lives instead of moving forward with the steps needed to live phenomenal lives became a little more clearer. We don’t want to make the choices to do the work and do it.

Why in the world would we allow ourselves to remain in mediocrity, when we could be phenomenal with just small changes, patience and time? I believe that it’s “comfortable” (well maybe not), “safe” (possibly), it’s “not risky” (maybe). There are a lot of situations that we allow ourselves to remain in, such as poor health, because of food choices and lack of exercise, average or low paying jobs, because of “at least I have a job mentality”, and sad relationships, because we work too hard at our average jobs and our health is too poor to have the energy to play a game or take a walk with our family.

What if it’s actually a lizard problem? What if it’s a primitive reaction, that has been trained and massaged throughout your life to “be safe, to freeze, and turn from danger,or in fact to run”? The lizard’s name is the Amygdala, it is part of your brain, it controls your fear , your fight or flight or freeze response. Until you learn to tame your lizard, your life will tend to be controlled by it because you will make “safe, path of least resistance” choices.

The crazy thing is our lizard has been trained very well to keep us safe which is of great value, but have we been trained too well to be so sensitive to the lizard response to not be able to tell it to “sit and stay” while we measure whether the “risk” is eminent physical danger, or discomfort from the “unknown” at a psychological level.

Why is this differentiation so important? Because if what you have been doing over and over again is not working for you, and you know that you know, that if you choose to take a baby step or a giant leap in a different direction that your results will be improved, but you are afraid to move because you “might fail”, then you need to silence your lizard. But if your lizard is telling you that if you try drugs to enhance your results their is a good chance you will die or become addicted and it won’t help you in the end. This lizard is doing it’s job well. The value of differentiation!

The lizard will stay “content”, sort of if you stay, still. You will stay unhealthy (danger), under employed (danger) with mediocre relationships (danger). Your lizard probably had some aches.

The thing is everyone wants to be noticed, everyone wants to make a difference to someone, but we settle everyday in little ways. We all know or have ideas of what little choices we could make that would improve our lot in life or bring us some pleasure and joy. Even our lizard craves it.

So you really don’t need a life coach, you need to just train your lizard better. But and here is the BIG BUT, it’s sometimes more fun to train with a “friend” someone who encourages your success and helps you rise from your failures and pushes you towards the goal when you are stalled. As “pack” animals it also gives us a sense of security. So you don’t need me, but is you want my help…

Let me introduce myself HI MY NAME IS CANDY, LIZARD TRAINER EXTRAORDINAIRE!

When enough is enough

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Bellamy’s birthday photo by Sarah Murray

Yesterday was my grand-dogger’s birthday. She turned two and of course we had a little doggy party for her.

At a birthday party of course there are lots and lots of treats for everyone. But here lies the problem…WHY OH WHY DO I EAT THEM?

Of course cake is delicious and it fills my mouth with wonderful delectable sensation, BUT and it’s a big BUT, my muscles and joints SCREAM even louder at me when I am not careful with what I eat. So why oh why do I continue to eat them?

Here I go again, Halloween, daughter’s birthday, and Christmas fast approaching, my very achy and sore foot goes down! Diet reset, eliminate, and add some colour. Only I can make this happen, I put the fork to my lips.

If you hear me muttering “pain” under my breath when I look at bread, or sugar, I am not really crazy. If you hear me chanting healthy goodness, wonderful flavour when I am about to bite into broccoli I am equally not as crazy.

Breaking it down the next seven days, I can do seven days right?

How about you? Are you also struggling to reset some part of your life, where you know that the long term gain will be amazing compared to the constant pain?